I’ve been thinking a bit more about the perception of masculine traits in trans women.
On a lot of online forums I like to write to young women who are struggling past the first stages of their transition. An exercise I often offer is the idea of going out in public and, whenever fear of being found out finds you, looking at everyone else around you and asking who really ‘passes’ as cis.
The beauty of this activity is it makes one look more objectively at the world and realise that ‘appearing cis’ isn’t as straight and narrow as the world decrees it to be. It’s obvious however that not everyone sees this.
I want to be a gender rebel. I don’t believe that being a woman has to come into play at all about how I appear and how I exist. But I don’t get that freedom. I don’t have the ability to play with my gender. In a world where feminine is shunned and the experimental is okay as long as you’re experimenting with masculinity, being a transgender woman is the lowest rung on the gender ladder.
Society says that I’ve traded a reversal-of-binary for their tolerance, but gods forbid if I go back on that. Well, then it’s just my fault what happens next.